{"id":2413,"date":"2026-06-09T06:02:55","date_gmt":"2026-06-09T13:02:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/losangelesmovinginsider.com\/index.php\/2026\/06\/09\/letting-go-of-grudges-may-be-good-for-your-health\/"},"modified":"2026-06-09T06:02:55","modified_gmt":"2026-06-09T13:02:55","slug":"letting-go-of-grudges-may-be-good-for-your-health","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/losangelesmovinginsider.com\/index.php\/2026\/06\/09\/letting-go-of-grudges-may-be-good-for-your-health\/","title":{"rendered":"Letting go of grudges may be good for your health"},"content":{"rendered":"
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By Ariana Eunjung Cha<\/p>\n

The Washington Post<\/p>\n

Steve Koch never thought of himself as a grudge-holder. Still, certain moments endured: his mother\u2019s harsh words his senior year of high school, the neighbor who publicly slighted him, the Ford Explorer that ran the red light.<\/p>\n

Read more As US Customs refines its tariff refund system, who gets in to apply is under dispute<\/a><\/p>\n

They left him anxious, low.<\/p>\n

\u201cThese incidents colored my view on a lot of things,\u201d said Koch, who is 74 and lives just outside Chico.<\/p>\n

Psychologists have long been interested in why some slights refuse to fade, and how those lingering injuries can settle in \u2014 reshaping a person\u2019s thoughts, mood and sense of self over time.<\/p>\n

Now, the research is beginning to offer clearer answers. A new analysis spanning more than 200,000 people across 23 countries and published in NPJ Mental Health Research, a Nature publication, found that forgiveness may be more than a moral ideal. It appears to function as a psychological ideal as well, across cultures.<\/p>\n

Led by Richard Cowden, a social-personality psychologist at Harvard, researchers found that individuals more inclined to forgive \u2014 not just in response to a single event, but as a consistent pattern over time \u2014 reported higher levels of well-being across a number of categories.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

\u201cGoing through the process of forgiveness in a habitual sense can be beneficial to different aspects of our lives,\u201d Cowden said.<\/p>\n

Scientists call this dispositional forgiveness, and the idea marks a growing shift in the field that researchers believe has the potential to reshape not only our family and romantic relationships, but also our workplaces \u2014 and even geopolitical dynamics.<\/p>\n

Early research on forgiveness focused on specific, often extreme harms \u2014 women who endured incest, parents of children who were murdered, communities targeted by genocide. The question was whether forgiveness was possible at all under such conditions.<\/p>\n

Now, researchers are asking a different question: not whether people can forgive in extraordinary circumstances, but what happens when forgiveness becomes an ordinary, practiced way of moving through the world.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

The problem with \u2018unforgiveness\u2019<\/h4>\n

Forgiveness is not about excusing harm or forgetting it.<\/p>\n

It is a deliberate decision to release anger and resentment, even when that does not seem fully earned. The point is not that the offender deserves absolution. It\u2019s that anger, when held too long, begins to radiate outward, shaping more than the original injury ever did.<\/p>\n

\u201cUnforgiveness\u201d is not only a mental state. It can become a physical one, associated with anxiety, depression and sustained stress responses, including elevated cortisol, higher blood pressure and muscle tension, according to researchers. As Cowden and his co-authors wrote, a sense of injustice can harden into \u201ca complex cognitive-emotional response characterized by bitterness, resentment, hostility, hate, anger, fear, and vengeful or avoidant motives.\u201d<\/p>\n

Fred Luskin, director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Projects and who has written three books on the subject, puts it more plainly. \u201cForgiveness,\u201d he said, \u201cis making peace with the word no.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt speaks to that \u2014 at the heart of every grudge, of every wound or grievance \u2014 something you really want to have happened in a certain way did not happen in that way,\u201d said Luskin, who was not involved in the research. This applies to both small transgressions as well as major ones.<\/p>\n

The most forgiving countries<\/h4>\n

The data for the new paper comes from the Global Flourishing Study, a large international research project backed by a consortium of philanthropic foundations that tracks how people\u2019s well-being changes over time across different cultures and countries.<\/p>\n

To capture \u201cforgiveness,\u201d the study asked the straightforward question, \u201cHow often have you forgiven those who have hurt you?\u201d with response options ranging from \u201cnever\u201d to \u201calways.\u201d<\/p>\n

Using statistical methods to compare people with different levels of \u201cforgivingness,\u201d the researchers examined 56 different outcomes covering many parts of life \u2014 mental health, physical health, relationships, sense of purpose, character traits and financial stability.<\/p>\n

What they found is that people who were more inclined to forgive tended to report better outcomes across many areas of life a year later \u2014 especially in psychological well-being (things like happiness, depression and sense of meaning). The effects weren\u2019t huge, but they were consistent across very different countries. The links were weaker for things like physical health, suggesting forgiveness matters more for how people feel and relate to others than for the condition of their bodies.<\/p>\n

The study only shows correlation, not causation. But it builds on decades of previous research, including clinical trials, that suggests that people who are more able to let go of grudges tend to be doing a bit better emotionally and socially over time.<\/p>\n

Everett Worthington Jr., a professor emeritus of psychology at Virginia Commonwealth University and a co-author of the NPJ Mental Health Research study, said he was intrigued by the cross-country differences in the data.<\/p>\n

In Nigeria, Egypt and Indonesia, the culture of forgiveness was high while the United Kingdom was low, he said. The United States is somewhere in the middle. The team is just starting to assess cultural, socio-economic, political and other factors that may be influencing the differences, but Worthington said the biggest surprise in the data to him was that a number of the countries on the high end have endured profound collective strain.<\/p>\n

He said he wouldn\u2019t have expected factors like low trust, instability and discrimination to be associated with a greater willingness to forgive.<\/p>\n

Worthington, a pioneer in forgiveness research, was drawn to the field after a personal tragedy: the killing of his mother in 1996. Not long after, he traveled to South Africa, newly emerged from apartheid, at the invitation of the government. He was moved by how the people in Johannesburg were coming back from that dark period.<\/p>\n

Read more My husband refuses to see a doctor. What should I do?<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cThat really changed my outlook on things,\u201d he said. \u201cI wrote my life mission statement then that I would do all I can to promote forgiveness in every willing heart and homeland.\u201d<\/p>\n

He said his own journey toward forgiveness has come in \u201cwaves.\u201d Forgiveness is a process, he said \u2014 you don\u2019t always get it right the first time, and you keep working at it.<\/p>\n

Forgiveness therapy<\/h4>\n

Luskin, from Stanford, has focused on whether that mental shift can be taught. Structured forgiveness interventions, he said, have been shown to reduce depression and increase hope. Some of the treatments are designed for individual or group therapy, and there are also a few workbooks (one well-known version can be found at k, and another at discoverforgiveness.org\/tools\/the-reach-forgiveness-workbook) that people can download and work through themselves.<\/p>\n

Though approaches vary, the steps toward forgiveness tend to follow a similar arc:<\/p>\n

\u2022 At some point, people grow tired of their own reactivity \u2014 of noticing that \u201cevery time I hear this person\u2019s name my blood pressure goes to 200,\u201d as Luskin put it.<\/p>\n

\u2022 From there comes a kind of cognitive reappraisal: an acknowledgment that bad things happen.Then there\u2019s a recognition that the world contains both harm and good \u2014 and a decision to focus on the good.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Over time, the narrative begins to change. The event is still there, but you see it in a different light.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Koch, of Chico, first learned about forgiveness therapy through a friend at church and attended a workshop last year. By then, he said, he had been \u201csitting with bitterness\u201d toward his late mother for decades, ever since she told him how disappointed she was that he hadn\u2019t gotten into her \u2014 rather than his \u2014 dream college.<\/p>\n

\u2022 As part of the workshop, he tried what\u2019s known as the empty-chair technique. He spoke to his mother as if she were there, describing how deeply he\u2019d been hurt, then switched roles, answering as her \u2014 trying to account for what she had said.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe things she said back to me were very illuminating,\u201d Koch said. \u201cIt was as if she came alive and told me about the shame she felt as a young mother who had to quit school, trying to validate her life through her children\u2019s achievements.\u201d<\/p>\n

The exercise shifted something. He began to feel, as he put it, \u201ca great empathy.\u201d The anger eased. The memories that surfaced were more about love.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe was doing the best she could,\u201d he said. \u201cAnd it\u2019s to my benefit \u2014 and hers, and her memory \u2014 that I wish the best for her.\u201d<\/p>\n

A public health intervention<\/h4>\n

Increasingly, researchers are asking whether forgiveness can be taught at scale, where interventions might function not just as therapy but as a public health strategy that could improve the emotional lives of communities or even populations.<\/p>\n

In a separate preprint paper that is still under peer review, Cowden and his co-authors created a model of what well-being would look like in New Zealand if everyone were a little more forgiving. Teaching forgiveness society-wide could take the form of media campaigns \u2014 such as posters and online ads \u2014 or school-based curriculums.<\/p>\n

Luskin sees potential: \u201cIf it\u2019s given to every family in the country, it might make for more harmonious homes. \u2026 That\u2019s not trivial. I like that idea.\u201d<\/p>\n

Robert Enright, a professor of human development at the University of Wisconsin at Madison, has spent much of his career studying forgiveness. More recently, he has turned his attention to how it might work in groups instead of individuals.<\/p>\n

His work has taken him from Milwaukee \u2014 still among the most segregated cities in the United States \u2014 where he has tried to bridge divides between Black and White residents. He has also traveled to Belfast, where he has spent years working with children from Irish Catholic and British Protestant communities. In Ireland, he found many carried levels of anger approaching clinical concern. When they were introduced to the idea of forgiveness, that anger began to subside.<\/p>\n

More recently, Enright has been in Israel, laying the groundwork for what he hopes could become a therapeutic response to the trauma of the Oct. 7, 2023, attacks, when Hamas militants carried out a large-scale assault that killed roughly 1,200 people and took about 250 hostages. He would also like to work with Palestinian residents of Gaza and the West Bank in the wake of ongoing Israeli military operations, which have killed tens of thousands.<\/p>\n

Forgiveness between groups, he said, is harder to grasp than forgiveness between individuals. \u201cIt\u2019s more abstract. You\u2019re not face to face,\u201d Enright said. \u201cBut you begin to see them as human beings who had very flawed ideas.\u201d<\/p>\n

And forgiveness, researchers note, is not only about others. It also includes the ability to extend the same release inward \u2014 to reckon with one\u2019s own mistakes without letting them harden into something more damaging.<\/p>\n

Read more Trump says pilots are fine after US helicopter crashes near Strait of Hormuz<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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