How fortunate are we to have Marguerite living across the street?
She’s our dear neighbor who happily became a treasured friend.
There’s nothing she’s unwilling to do for us, but the main thing we tend to burden her with is asking her to pick up one of those delicious rotisserie chickens whenever she pays a visit to Costco.
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At $4.99, it’s the world’s greatest bargain.
And it’s good for three meals.
My wife and I will each have a leg and a thigh for one dinner, half the breast for the second and the other half for the third.
We used to buy that chicken ourselves whenever we shopped there, but it tended to cost around $300.
Plus gas.
But with Marguerite doing the shopping, we give her a five-dollar bill and tell her to keep the change.
That chicken is good for six meals bringing the cost to 83 cents per dinner, while a chicken at the supermarket costs twice as much and you still have to cook it.
And if we wanted something more than just a chicken, Marguerite is happy to accommodate us.
When we purchased our home, we didn’t know it included such a treasured neighbor.
We paid extra for a single-story home with a lovely view on a quiet cul-de-sac, yet there was no additional charge for Marguerite.
Talk about a bargain.
People ask if we ever get tired of having the same repeated meals so frequently, but I explain that often we chop up the breast, add mayonnaise, and have chicken salad.
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And since an uncooked chicken at the local supermarket costs roughly twice as much, I suggested we should start a business by purchasing a few dozen Costco rotisserie chickens, and sell them for a profit throughout the neighborhood.
It would be, I suggest, a rewarding enterprise.
I took a survey asking several folks throughout the area if they would pay $15 for one of those delectable Costco chickens delivered to their door, and three out of four said yes.
Actually, they said “Hell yes!”
I calculated we should make a profit of around $30,000 a year.
I’d also ask the grandkids to deliver the chickens, pay them part of the profit, and be able to stay home to watch the Padres.
But my wife nixed the idea, suggesting my plan is a fantasy, not to mention the unconscionable burden we’d impose upon our dear Marguerite.
Plus the grandkids.
She doesn’t mind asking Marguerite to pick up a single chicken for us, but suggests 50 would present an improper and unreasonable burden to impose upon anyone, much less a grandmother.
I’d buy the chickens myself, but with all the other items I’d wind up purchasing, it would be a losing proposition.
I told my wife that we can make Marguerite a partner in the venture, but she still rejected the idea.
I thought I had a brilliant plan to make big bucks on birds, but sadly, it was ciao to my chicken challenge.
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Erdos is a freelance humor columnist. Contact him at [email protected].
