The San Diego Historical Society has identified Bill Swank, who lives in Clairemont, as “San Diego’s preeminent baseball historian.” Here’s a message I recently received from Bill,followed by my response:
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DEAR RICHARD: Young people often substitute “No problem,” for “Thank you.” Recently, I took my wife to a popular, upscale restaurant for our 40th weddinganniversary dinner. Over the years, we have often gone to this establishment to celebrate special events. Now I hold my wife’s arm at all times, because she is blind.The host led us to a booth. In the past, a host or hostess of a restaurant would politely help seat female guests. Booths can be difficult to navigate. Frequently, the table can be pulledout or rotated.
The young host stood watching as I helped my wife.
I explained that she is blind.
He said, “No problem.”
No, problem?
Clearly, we were having a problem because of my wife’s blindness.
During our dinner, our waitress was equally insensitive and used the same phrase more than once. Although we experienced problems from the start, we were being told, “No problem.” In the future, returning to this restaurant will be “no problem.” It’s “adios.”
DEAR BILL: I too have a problem with “no problem.” When someone says, “Thank you” to me, I respond, “You’re welcome.”
At a restaurant, I ask my server for extra tomatoes on my salad. When they deliver the tomatoes, I say, “Thank you” — and they respond, “No problem.” I want to grab my server bythe collar and snarl, “Of course it’s no problem! It’s your job!”
If, on the other hand, when someone acts a + b the c of d (alphabetically that stands for “above and beyond the call of duty”), I am more accepting.
I was recently manning my book booth at a convention and found that I was short on small bills. A kindly woman offered $1 and $5 bills for my larger ones, explaining that shealways carries small bills for vendors who need them. To my “Thank you” she said, “No problem.” That was copacetic with me because she had acted a + b the c of d.
DEAR RICHARD: I don’t know if you look at the comic page, except, of course, to read “Luann,” but I saw this apostrophe catastrophe in a recent “Dennis the Menace” cartoon: “Lady’sStyles.” – Greg Evans, “LuAnn” cartoonist, San Marcos
I do read the majority of comic strips in the Union-Tribune, one of the few American newspapers that publishes more than two full pages of cartoons and comic strips. Brimming with wit and wisdom, “LuAnn” is among my favorites. “Lady’s Styles” indeed qualifies what I call an apostrophe catastrophe or a prepostrophe. A possessive apostrophe informs the reader about of or for what comes before it. In this case, the style is for ladies, not just a lady, so the sign should have read “Ladies’ Styles.”
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DEAR RICHARD: I thought you would enjoy this “Morning Joe” caption about literacy in America: “U.S. Students are Reading Less Books Cover-to-Cover.” -Harriet Wolpoff, Clairemont
Ack! There are too many ironies in the fire when a caption about literacy confuses the adjectives less and fewer.
We see this error everywhere, including the plague of plaques in supermarket express lines that say, “8 Items or Less.” They should read, “8 Items or Fewer.”
Less means “not so much” and refers to amount or quantity. Fewer means “not so many” and refers to number, things that are countable “less courage” but “fewer virtues”; “less nutrition” but “fewer calories” With those omnipresent supermarket signs and with those contests asking for responses in “25 words or less,” when will we ever learn?
Please note, gentle readers, the related confusion between the nouns number and amount, as in “A great amount of San Diegans read the Union-Tribune.” Like fewer, use number, not amount, to referto persons or things that can be counted. Like less, use amount to refer to quantities. Number tells how many; amount tells how much.
Please also note that studies show that reading real-world books and newspapers increases brain power and lifespan. As Dr. Seuss wrote, “The more that you read, the more youwill know. The more that you read, the more places you’ll go.” I hope that one of those places will be the KPBS San Diego Book Festival at the USD on Saturday, Aug. 22, 10 a.m.-4p.m. I’dlove to chat with you there.
Please send your questions and comments about language to [email protected] website: verbivore.com.
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