I got a letter from my alma mater, asking if I was still alive.
OK, that’s not exactly how they put it, but I’m sure that’s what they were trying to ascertain.
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They more tactfully called it “Confirmation of your alumni record.”
I’m sure it was an effort to determine whether or not they should continue sending me literature.
Basically, they wanted to know if I was still breathing, but felt a greater degree of diplomacy was warranted.
I’m not suggesting their inquiry was unnecessary. I’m certain their policy requires that they check whether or not they should continue spending 50 cents on postcards for students who might be lying in a field decorated with flowers and a headstone.
So I was asked to call them to confirm my status in order that they might determine, I assume, if it’s possible for them to save that expense.
I’m not suggesting it’s just a matter of eliminating the cost, but more accurately, it’s about saving it over the course of an alumni’s life expectancy, which, as it turns out, can amount to almost $4 or $5.
Although that amount isn’t necessarily petty, it’s just not very comparable to the thousands I spent on tuition.
Of course it would have cost considerably more, but I had been living with my parents who kindly agreed to a discounted rent.
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That tuition and added rent meant I needed to find employment.
I was eventually hired as a sales representative by a local real estate firm that required no college education or, for that matter, any prior education.
Am I suggesting that university experience and cost was for naught?
I can’t be certain.
In fairness, I met my bride at that company when she appeared seeking a suitable apartment.
She was a beautiful, single young woman, who paid me a commission for finding her a lovely place, but it cost me a bit more for her hand in marriage, not to mention the purchase of a home of our own.
My broker, together with his family, moved to San Diego, and after a couple of visits, we decided to follow.
That move came with opposition from our back East families, notwithstanding the fact that we continue to have the most fabulous climate in the country, even though the temperature here has been around 100 for an extended period of time, while in Brooklyn, it’s been a breezy 75 degrees.
Still, I’m forever grateful to my real estate broker, Joe, who’s not only been my mentor, but he and his beautiful bride remain our treasured friends, as we continue to cherish the sun the sea and family.
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Erdos is a freelance humor columnist. Contact him at [email protected].
